The LinkedIn pitch for senior software developers:
Hi $NAME
My name is $ANOTHER_NAME and I work for $COMPANY. We recently raised $4985734895 billion dollars from $POPULAR, $VC, $FIRMS and I just wanted to say how perfect I think you'd be for $ROLE!
$SOME_BULLSHIT_HERE
I’ve seen this from companies no one has heard of all the way up to literally Amazon. Granted, Amazon wasn’t bragging about VC money, but they were trying to manipulate me with money just like the others.
How?
- Talk about money first. “Look at how much money I have, you could have some of it too if you worked for me”. It’s supposed to make you feel kind of like a high roller, like you’re an important highly sought-after big shot. Wow, someone who got like a hundred million doll hairs from some random rich guy wants (one of his worker bees) to talk to me?? I must be important!
- Talk about money second, third and fourth. Focus on how much compensation COULD be available to you in the form of vague tangibles like “we pay the best to get the best” and intangibles like “you’ll love working on $PRODUCT” or “you’ll LOVE your team”.
- Make the mark feel special. Tell them how impressive they are. “I wanted to check in as your experience and work history is impressive and is exactly what we’re looking for here at $COMPANY”.
- Finish with a call to action. This isn’t a discussion, this is a sales pitch, so try to push them towards giving you more personal information (such as a phone number) instead of responding to questions over email.
For me, points 1 and 2 are irrelevant. Yes, I care about how much you’re going to pay me and I will advocate for what I think is fair. But, I cannot stress these things enough:
- I don’t care about your company’s finances.
- I don’t care where your money comes from.
- I don’t care about your investors, or shareholders.
- There’s a 100% chance that I will not have heard of any of the people or companies you name drop. I don’t worship at the altar of capitalism, I don’t know your gods.
This works in the employer’s favour too, of course. I’m not going to resist change to the company’s direction because at the end of the day, I still get paid. You could be working with the mob, drug cartels, hell even Jeff Bezos, and it has exactly zero effect on my output. How you stay solvent is your problem.
It also means that I’m not interested in company shares, options of any kind that don’t have a known (and significant) cash value TODAY, who your rich friends are, which rich people you would like to become friends with, or whom you might sell your product to.
Amazon even had the audacity to proclaim how they were most concerned about being the best employer in the world, after talking about how much money you would make. Why some companies do PR in their recruiter cold calls is a complete mystery to me, but I’ll never miss an opportunity to make fun of them for it.
Gig economy apps beware
If I look up your app on the app store, or find reviews on the BBB, and see nothing but complaints about how you treat the legally-not-employees who rely on your app to avoid homelessness, it’s gonna be a no from me. One of them specifically called out their 4.9 star rating on Glassdoor as though it meant this was a great company, but none of the people who actually use the service work for the company.
They were probably aware of the dismal app store rating and numerous complaints on other rating websites.
Conclusion
If you want someone to help build out your product and make it something your users really like using, I’m happy to have a 5 minute chat with you (even though I’m happy where I’m at). Everyone who prioritizes money over all other aspects of the job will receive a terse “Thank you for reaching out, but I don’t think I’m a good fit for this role.”
But, now you know what I really think when you receive that message.